August 5, 2013

Brave new me... Creating my space within society


***Update March 2017: I recently learned I was misdiagnosed with Narcolepsy over fifteen years ago. I am pursuing another possible sleep related diagnoses and considering my struggle with weakness and waking up is actually connected to the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. Which I also plan to look further into. Check out my archives for related posts and more updates!***


I struggle with a sleep disorder called Narcolepsy and have developed chronic pain and fatigue as a result... The doctors call the pain and fatigue Fibromyalgia, but few have much to say about it. The doctor who diagnosed me with the Fibro had little information to share with me. He knew even less about it than I did... I recall his reaction when I received the diagnoses. There is nothing he could do for me. Except to suggest exercise and rest... however, this uneasy disorder strips me of energy and destroys my abilities in every day life... which leaves me in a depressed state.

Alas, this blog is not intended to discuss what ailes me. However, I thought it might be helpful to shed light on what brought me to conclude that I desperately wish to be independent from commercialism. Or, maybe I'm just ranting. Either way, this resource is designed to share my ideas. And much of what I think about is my reality.

Both Narcolepsy and Fibromyalgia are fairly new to the medical community. Due to the amount of trending fakers, it's difficult to talk about ones diagnoses. Everyone knows someone who has it. Everyone knows someone who complains too much. Although I don't believe there is a cure (since you can't fix what ain't broke), I beleive that I can find relief by returning to an easy natural life style in todays busy chaotic world. I believe there is nothing wrong with me. In society's eyes I may not be right- but what exactly is right in today's society? God does not use the same mold for everyone...

I am super hyper sensitive both physically and emotionally and that is just the way I am. Fibromyalgia is actually considered a complex symptomatic disorder. It's symptoms mimic a wide range of other illnesses causing a long process of narrowing the field. Our symptoms tell us to slow down and smell the roses, whilst society tells us to hurry up and go above and beyond our capability in order to fit in...

Strong people say "Push, push"... They have no idea how hard it is to push when you've got nothing to push with...

My journey into all things natural began long before I truly understood it. In my early twenties, when I received the Narcolepsy diagnoses my mom gave me a vial of Clary Sage mixed in carrier oil. She suggested I use a few drops on my hands at bed time, rub it in and the essence should calm my nerves and help me to fall assleep more easily. And it did help a little. But the struggle to stay assleep and wake feeling rested still plagued me.

A few years later I started going to a naturalpath doctor with my step-mother. It was there that I learned that most of todays medicine does more harm than good for us. It was also there that I learned about eating right for my blood type. I met a group of people who were navigating their way through the modern world only to discover that the modern world is the root cause of most of our symptoms... Allergies and sensitivities are now a daily part of life for the majority of the population. And the "Catch 22"? We spend so much trying to get better, but the cost actually makes us sicker...

Unfortunately, tiredness and weekness are associated with laziness. And, pain is so common that those who do not experience GREAT pain, assume the rest of us are making it up. I once posted on FB, "If it were all in my head than I'd be able to change my mind". This is not the case. Someone who is truly lazy does not feel guilt over the things they cannot accomplish. And a person who is truly faking pain, does not keep up the act when they are alone.

Alone is the best place to be when you feel like your body has disgraced you. Alone takes you away from the looks. Rolling eyes, and shaking heads. Alone gives you a break from the excuses. Why I can't do what you want me to. Alone gives you a chance to feel normal. Be capable within your own limits. Learning to accept yourself within these new limits. Learning to find things to love that are attainable. Learning new ways of "pushing yourself" as much as your body begs you to give up! Strangely experiencing sensory overloads... which bring on panic attacks. Because everything is too loud, too bright, too much! All you want is to be in a dark, quiet room. Escape. Be alone. To bring yourself back to neutral.


The good thing about my struggle is the awareness it has brought me. I may be a little self-involved and clueless to the outside world, but I am turning my tragedy into my inspiration- thus bringing me to want to make my own toiletries, soap, vitamins, meals from scratch and even crafting. I've discovered that I'd make a really good housewife. So, I've decided that when I meet the man of my dreams he'll encourage me to be the woman I envision. Independent and self-sustainable.





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