December 30, 2014

The Not-So-Virtuous Impatience of Manifesting a New Life...

I really, really, really want to get on with it. I am the type of person who, once she's made up her mind, she can't wait to make it happen! Half the battle is making up my mind though. lol... Perhaps, it's because I am a Gemini astrologically. Or, maybe because I am the younger child. For whatever reason, I struggle to make decisions. I see too many sides of any ordeal. Hesitation could be my middle name...

Funny thing, after weeks of sifting through the classifieds and driving around in circles I've finally come to realize I would be happiest in a high rise apartment building with a balcony and two bedrooms. The reason it's funny is because my sister has been suggesting since day one that I consider a few buildings. I was being stubborn and snobby thinking I could find something better for less. Well, I think I've grown out of the person I used to be. Because at this point in my life a secure building with a clean atmosphere, balcony, storage, on-site laundry and parking is really looking good about now. :)

I emailed a few building managers. Then I sat through an eight hour shift at work analyzing my perspectives. When I got home, I emailed the one apartment again. This time suggesting I would move sooner than I'd said in the first email. If I can view the apartment and give a deposit by January first, then I can give my landlord only one month notice. I should give him sixty days according to some people, but I honestly want to get out of here so badly. After eight years I think I deserve better than his neglect. He keeps a disgusting home and that's all the reason I need for not wanting to stay a full sixty days more.

So, I may not be sleeping much this week. I'll probably have to wake up early to view apartments. And, I have to stay up all night tonight, so I can go to the pharmacy in the morning and get my refills I been waiting on for two weeks. The person I spoke with said she would leave a note to call me when it was ready. I guess she forgot, cause when I called today, the woman who answered said it had been ready for seventeen days! lol... I also haven't had my muscle relaxants (of which I take only a small dose), and my bedtime anti-depressant. I've seriously gone more than three weeks without my other meds? (I had run out before I made the call to the pharmacist). No wonder I'm so stressed and incredibly irritated. My stomach is in my throat. EVERYTHING makes me want to cry. It's so not fair that without medication I'm a basket-case... I've been up and down the last month. I am really wondering how I'm ever going to  get off my medications. It's been a rough & emotional few weeks.

I wish I could take all my ailments and check them off my list of things to do. Or, undo rather. One day, it is my belief that my body can heal itself from the inside. Right, Christal Richie!? :) But the proper environment and diet are key elements to a sustainable body, mind and soul. There are so many things I want to do that require more of me than I can give. And only so much I can do to try to fix it. So, I live in a world of limbo... The things I want and need to improve my health require genuine health in order to be successful. It's a catch-twenty-two! Goodness Gracious! Well, I am certain I will get there in my lifetime. I just have to take the right steps. And not give up when the road-bumps trip me. I'm on a big kick lately reminding myself that I am my choices. So why do I hesitate so? Shouldn't I rather know than be stuck in this cycle of maybes? Is this all a part of growing up? Learning to anticipate your faults and finding ways to correct them?

I expect that the new year will bring me lots of joy. Change has happened. Change is happening. I am at one with the evolving universe riding a wave of goodness! And, I've made up my mind! Cheers!


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