I been feeling lately that I come last in all my relationships. People reach out to me when they need me, but are off in their own worlds when life is splendid. Everyone has their own significant other, their own children and grand children. And friends...
I'm not complaining here. This is just how I feel. I love my single independence! But lets face it, this ain't Sex and the City... and I'm not "on and off" with a handsome, rich man. I'm just a regular girl, looking for a good guy who can accept me for all my imperfections. If he has a big income then that's a bonus! lol In the mean time... I honestly feel like I've gotten lost in the shuffle of everyone else's lives. I am passed over and forgotten.
It's just the way it is I suppose. I still can't explain when others ask why I'm single? Mostly, because I like it. I don't have anyone to answer to. I am so wrapped up in my own haze that I can't give enough of my time to others. I sleep random hours. I craft skincare at three in the morning. I watch movies till dawn. And that doesn't make dating easy. Because, once I give in to the notion of a relationship my lack of energy/backwards schedule becomes a problem. An ex-boyfriend actually told me he expected my love for him would inspire me to wake up..? That's the thing. I can shower a man with love. But I cannot love him enough to heal myself.
I'm putting myself out there and keeping my chin up. I'm chatting and getting to know my options. I just hope that someone can love me beyond what I've always hated about myself. Now, I have learned to live with it. I'm learning to live well with it. I love my curves, my frizzy hair and my freckles, so I can love myself for every ounce of pain and fatigue I experience, too.
That's the truth about choice! :)
My parents and siblings are patient and understanding. They give me wakeup calls and reminders when I have family commitments. They find my company more important than my energy levels. I have a few friends who make a little extra effort because they know that I am worth it. Because that's how love works, y'all. It allows us to accept things exactly the way they are. And it inspires us to find goodness in everything!
So that's it. That's what's going on in my head these days. I'm waiting on a miracle. I'm keeping busy. But my fingers are definitely crossed and I'm wishing for my plan to officially come together. I am ready for my ever after.