August 12, 2019

To Be Or Not To Be Monogamous? That Is The Question...

When I created Easy Goodness, a major part of the premise was that I was hoping to find myself a nice single fella to raise children with. I wanted to share my story about starting a family, and get on the mommy blogger train. Well, that ain't happening! It seems that both my lifestyle and this blog are progressing into something more like Sex & The City and a little DIY, rather than finding a special someone to settle down with.

What I want out of life has changed. My heart has grown. My needs evolved. I wish to be open, honest and understanding. I'm questioning if monogamy is real. Is the idea of ever after just a fairy tale society force fed us when we were growing up? Can human beings actually find intimacy with one partner and be satiably happy? Are we even meant to live that way?

These thoughts have been with me for a long time. I just didn't have the vocabulary to express them. Deep down, I'm really against commitment. Even though it's what I wanted for the majority of my life. I only wanted it because, it's what normal people do. Right? But, I haven't had many serious relationships. I'm not happy in relationships. I have always sabotaged the chance for anything longterm. I am fully aware that not all relationships are alike. And others don't seem to notice. Not all relationships follow a certain norm or generic values. Some relationships are made from cookie cutters, while other relationships are shaped by hand.

Until a few years ago, I felt it was my duty to marry a family-man because that's what a lady was supposed to do. Mostly though, as a young woman, I believed it was my greatest purpose in life to bare children. Almost like I'd have no identity till I became a mother.

I even passed up what may have been the real thing because I thought raising children was more important than believing in someone who had bigger dreams...

I was young then. Now that I don't want kids, I feel drastically liberated! I've executed a positive shift in perspective. I see more clearly now. I'm excited to try new things and step out of my comfort zone. I accept the fact that I may have already known the love of my life and therefore I want to keep an open mind about my future. I can finally go out, have fun dating and meet new people, without an internal agenda nagging me. I am no longer looking for the man of my dreams or the father of my children. I am a single, independent woman, free to enjoy life without regret. And, forty looks good on me! :)

Think about people in committed relationships who are unfaithful, yet their partner forgives them. When you live with lies you get hurt and foundations have to be restored. Is that behaviour truly monogamous?

Well, what does monogamy actually mean?
Monogamy is a form of relationship in which an individual has only one partner during their lifetime - alternately, only one partner at any one time - as compared to non-monogamy. The term is also applied to the social behaviour of some animals, referring to the state of having only one mate at any one time. -Wikipedia
And, what exactly is non-monogamy?
Polyamory (non-monogamy) is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy". -Wikipedia
In polyamorous relationships, both parties are more liable to communicate clearly and honestly because the concept of infidelity is not an issue. Imagine how much less drama there would be in this world if we could just let go of ego and jealousy. In my opinion, an open relationship ensures less heartache, better communication between those involved and a more mindful approach to everyones' health.

Let's not confuse polyamory with polygamy. These are two completely different types of dynamics. Polygamy is just another device to empower man by allowing him to keep multiple wives. The women involved have no rights to explore other relationships or interests. They are strictly bound to their husband and their extended family made up of sister wives and dozens of children. I do not believe there is any fairness or equality to polygamous relationships. Nor should children be exposed to such an upbringing.

I find it quite interesting that current research suggests even birds prefer free lifestyles. Although it is widely believed that birds mate for life, this information is outdated. Bird couples will pair for the duration of their lives together, however, many females will breed with other male birds and ultimately raise the hatchlings with her lifelong mate.
It is becoming clear that even animals that are overtly socially monogamous engage in extra-pair copulations. For example, while over 90% of birds are socially monogamous, on average, 30 percent or more of the baby birds in any nest [are] sired by someone other than the resident male. -Wikipedia

Now that's wild, don't ya think? Birds show us that a chosen partner certainly has a special place in ones' life, nevertheless -instinctually, we seek to spread our seed. Actively remaining faithful is a choice which those who practice monogamy have to make every day.

It was socially acceptable for both men and woman to lead polyamorous lifestyles up until a few centuries ago. Nowadays, the concept is considered taboo and unbecoming. But respectively, it goes back thousand of years. When men and women had more equal sexual freedoms...

After a lot of soul searching and some curious research, I've concluded that a monogamous relationship does not suit me at this time. I don't plan to hook up with a bunch of random people at once. Goodness no, that's not my style either... I just don't want to make any promises to any one person. And I don't expect any promises in return. I particularly like the idea of having one trusted partner to spend Netflix time with, even potentially share a life with -while at the same time maintaining the personal freedom to date others if I please. That sounds like a pretty good arrangement to me.

What are your thoughts on monogamy vs polyamory? Are you the kind of person to settle down or do you prefer the freedom to date openly and why? Leave your comments below. Please be kind. After all, life is about experiences not appearances. _/|\_

Thanks for following along,


January 17, 2019

Thankful Thursdays ~ Post Seven


1) Good Friends:
I am grateful for the wonderful friends (and family) in my life. This may be a regular thing for which I am thankful and will likely become a theme in future posts. However, it's a great truth to my character. Without certain people in my world I would give up on myself before even trying. The right people who truly care about you, motivate and listen to you. The people whom I let close to me nourish my mind and soul as much as they give my heart a safe place to expand.

2) The Day Shift:
~ I was finally granted the privilege of joining the day team at my place of work. It happened last spring, and it took me a long time to get into the groove because my adapted habit of being a day sleeper when I worked nights made it difficult for me to flip the switch. I just couldn't fall asleep for the first six months of working days so I was exhausted and making a lot of mistakes. I was also learning a whole new role so it was a really big change, but the best change ever! I am very teachable! I can do anything if someone shows me how. I seem to have found a circadian rhythm now, and I can balance my responsibilities.

3) Lunch Break Walk:
~ I started walking again on my lunch break. I used to do it regularly on the night shift, but lost my motivation because I didn't have a good winter jacket at the time. It gets dark faster in winter so I wouldn't walk during the colder season much. Now that I'm on days I take a break at one o'clock and I power-walk a moderate route in about twenty five minutes. It's a quick way to get my heat rate up and break a small sweat. When I get back to my desk, the rest of the afternoon flies by and then it's home time.

Are you thinking about the things that bring joy to your life? Do you focus on what lifts you up and guides you to the best version of yourself? Is there one thing in life you are grateful for... How bout three or five!? Leave a comment below and share with your friends. Let's start 2019 on a thankful train! :)

~ Namaste ~


January 9, 2019

Life Lately ~ Relationships And Ending Thirty Something...

They say history repeats itself. Well, I guess it's the same for her story too. When it comes to love and relationships, I am the poster child for failed attempts and do-overs. These last few years I've experienced a lot of life's changes. Good ones. Many growth opportunities. The only thing that hasn't changed is the fact that I have no idea what I want out of my relationships. I am honest to a fault, but apprehensive about my own needs. And the moment I get involved with someone, the daydreams take over and I'm circled by "what if's". I gave up on searching for something meaningful a while ago. I gave up searching altogether.

Suddenly, I stumbled into a friends with benefits situation and I can't completely keep my feelings out of it. Perhaps, these feelings are residual. After all, it's an old friend and lover who's back in my life. And, I can't shake what we had before. Though, I know he won't be around for long. He's already told me this. It's true "adulting" trying to be friends with someone you once loved. I missed our friendship. But our bodies cannot fight the attraction! So, it is what it is and I'm enjoying the moment for what it's worth. :)

I find myself thinking I should date a handful of fellas at once to keep the balance. Mainly to stop myself from daydreaming about a future with anyone. When I focus on just one person, I crave more of that person! The one thing I know I want most in life is to maintain my independence. I really don't want to need anyone else in my life. It makes me feel out of control because it becomes a constant distraction. I get messy when I'm overjoyed by a man.

The fact that I'll be turning forty this year makes me realize I don't want to settle down. I always thought I would but I've been on my own for so long I don't think I could stand living with someone now. After that cancer scare (everything's okay, no worries) I had a serious think over my options in life. And I full heartedly accepted that raising children is not my purpose. I thought it was. I thought I would only be a real woman once I had kids. But the honest to goodness truth is that I'm not cut out to be a mother. I'm nurturing and I have a connection with babies and little ones, but it's not my purpose to bring them into the world and prepare them for the future. It's just not my kind of commitment.

Most of my dreams and hobbies will take till I'm retired to fully enjoy. I've come to understand that. So, I've been on a kind of hiatus from crafting lately and I only make my facial oil every few months. But I've been using healthy brands for deodorant, body wash, toothpaste, etc. And, I've become affiliated with a very uniquely awesome haircare brand called L'Ange! They're products and quality are amazing and my hair is super soft and manageable every day! I'll share more about that in another post.

The best news is that I started working days this past spring! It's better for my health and I am so very grateful for the opportunity. I feel happier at work most days now. I'd like to take the customs certification course next year, but I'm not sure if I'll be ready for it. It's a pretty hefty cost for the course which is a year long. I've been working in customs brokerage for nine years, and I'm still afraid to take the course again. lol... I failed it twice early on in my career, so I know how hard it is. Now that I am on days and learning much, much more I am sure I will successfully pass the course the next time I try.


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